Karl Rove Says Who Leaked First?

Originally posted July 22, 2005:

Grand Jury testimony of Karl Rove, the White House Deputy Chief of Staff of the United States (COSTUS), leaked by Rove-ing reporter (humor). How much will COSTUS cost us? Please keep my identity a secret. Double super Secret. I could call in and have my voice disguised or and my face blocked out. Please call me or send me an email if you plan to use this. Thanks.

Middle-aged, Middle-of-the-road, Mid-Westerner
MnMnM50@hotmail.com

Rove: Well Fitzgerald, the President gave me a job as for as long as I want.?

Fitzgerald: Look Rove, if you work in the White House, you must know all the players.
Rove: I certainly do.
Fitzgerald: Well you know I've never met the guys. You are under oath so you'll have to tell me their names, and then I'll know who's involved in the leaking of a CIA officer’s name.
Rove: Oh, I'll tell you their names, but you know it seems to me they give the players now-a-days very peculiar names.
Fitzgerald: You mean funny names?
Rove: Strange names, pet names...like Scooter and Deep Throat...
Fitzgerald: Their brother Daffy.
Rove: Daffy Throat...
Fitzgerald: And their French cousin.
Rove: French?
Fitzgerald: Goofè.
Rove: Goofè Throat. Well, let's see, we have on the list, Who leaked the name of a CIA officer first, What leaked it second, I Don't Know leaked it third...
Fitzgerald: That's what I want to find out.
Rove: I say Who leaked first, What leaked second, I Don't Know leaked third.
Fitzgerald: Are you a government employee?
Rove: Yes.
Fitzgerald: You gonna be a political consultant too?
Rove: Yes.
Fitzgerald: And you don't know the fellows' names?
Rove: Well I should.
Fitzgerald: Well then who leaked first?
Rove: Yes.
Fitzgerald: I mean the fellow's name.
Rove: Who.
Fitzgerald: The guy who leaked first.
Rove: Who.
Fitzgerald: The first leaker.
Rove: Who.
Fitzgerald: The guy who leaked first...
Rove: Who leaked on first!
Fitzgerald: I'm asking YOU who leaked first.
Rove: That's the man's name.
Fitzgerald: That's whose name?
Rove: Yes.
Fitzgerald: Well go ahead and tell me.
Rove: That's it.
Fitzgerald: That's who?
Rove: Yes.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Look, you gotta first leaker?
Rove: Certainly.
Fitzgerald: Who leaked first?
Rove: That's right.
Fitzgerald: When you talk about the first leak, who gets the credit?
Rove: Every bit of it.
Fitzgerald: All I'm trying to find out is the fellow's name who leaked first.
Rove: Who.
Fitzgerald: The guy that gets...
Rove: That's it.
Fitzgerald: Who gets the credit...
Rove: He does, every bit. Sometimes his wife acknowledges it.
Fitzgerald: Whose wife?
Rove: Yes.
PAUSE
Rove: What's wrong with that?
Fitzgerald: Look, all I wanna know is when you refer to the first leaker, how do you say his name?
Rove: Who.
Fitzgerald: The guy.
Rove: Who.
Fitzgerald: How do you say...
Rove: That's how I say it.
Fitzgerald: Who?
Rove: Yes.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: All I'm trying to find out is what's the guy's name who leaked first.
Rove: No. What leaked second and confirmed what who said.
Fitzgerald: I'm not asking you who leaked second.
Rove: Who leaked first.
Fitzgerald: One source at a time!
Rove: Well, don't change the leakers around.
Fitzgerald: I'm not changing nobody!
Rove: Take it easy, buddy.
Fitzgerald: I'm only asking you, who's the guy who leaked first?
Rove: That's right.
Fitzgerald: Ok.
Rove: All right.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: What's the guy's name who leaked first?
Rove: No. What leaked second.
Fitzgerald: I'm not asking you who leaked second.
Rove: Who leaked first.
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Rove: He leaked third, we're not talking about him.
Fitzgerald: Now how did I get the name of who leaked third?
Rove: Why you mentioned his name.
Fitzgerald: If I mentioned the third leaker's name, who did I say leaked third?
Rove: No. Who leaked first.
Fitzgerald: What leaked first?
Rove: What leaked second.
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Rove: He leaked third.
Fitzgerald: There I go, back to the third again!
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Would you just stay foused on the third leak and don't go off it.
Rove: All right, what do you want to know?
Fitzgerald: Now who is responsible for the third leak?
Rove: Why do you insist on connecting Who with the third leak?
Fitzgerald: What am I connecting to third.
Rove: No. What is connected to the second leak.
Fitzgerald: You don't want who implicated in the second leak?
Rove: Who is implicated in the first.
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Rove & Fitzgerald Together: Third leak!
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Look, you got a staff?
Rove: Sure.
Fitzgerald: The senior staffer's name?
Rove: Why.
Fitzgerald: I just thought I'd ask you.
Rove: Well, I just thought I'd tell ya.
Fitzgerald: Then tell me whose is the senior staffer.
Rove: Who leaked first.
Fitzgerald: I'm not... stay out of the office! I want to know what's the guy's name in who is the senior staffer?
Rove: No, What leaked second.
Fitzgerald: I'm not asking you who leaked second.
Rove: Who leaked first!
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Rove & Fitzgerald Together: Third leak!
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: The senior staffer's name?
Rove: Why.
Fitzgerald: Because!
Rove: Oh, he's the junior staffer.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Look, You gotta Whistle Blower on this team?
Rove: Sure.
Fitzgerald: The Whistle Blower’s name?
Rove: Tomorrow.
Fitzgerald: You don't want to tell me today?
Rove: I'm telling you now.
Fitzgerald: Then go ahead.
Rove: Tomorrow!
Fitzgerald: What time?
Rove: What time what?
Fitzgerald: What time tomorrow are you gonna tell me who's blowing the whistle?
Rove: Now listen. Who is not blowing the whistle.
Fitzgerald: I'll break your arm, you say who leaked first! I want to know what's the whistle blower's name?
Rove: What leaked second.
Fitzgerald: I don't know.
Rove & Fitzgerald Together: Third leak!
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Gotta an attorney?
Rove: Certainly.
Fitzgerald: The attorney's name?
Rove: Today.
Fitzgerald: Today, and tomorrow's the whistle blower.
Rove: Now you've got it.
Fitzgerald: All we got is a couple of days on the team.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: You know I'm an attorney too.
Rove: So they tell me.
Fitzgerald: I get behind the desk to do some fancy investigating, Tomorrow's blowing the whistle on my team and a heavy hitter gets up. Now the heavy hitter punts. When he punts, me, being a good attorney, I'm gonna connect the guy to the first leak. So I pick up the questioning with who?
Rove: Now that's the first thing you've said right.
Fitzgerald: I don't even know what I'm talking about!
PAUSE
Rove: That's all you have to do.
Fitzgerald: Is to pick up the questioning with the first leaker.
Rove: Yes!
Fitzgerald: Now who's got it?
Rove: Naturally.
PAUSE
Fitzgerald: Look, if I question the first leaker, somebody's gotta go next. Now who is it?
Rove: Naturally.
Fitzgerald: Who?
Rove: Naturally.
Fitzgerald: Naturally?
Rove: Naturally.
Fitzgerald: So I pick up the questioning with Naturally.
Rove: No you don't, you question Who.
Fitzgerald: Naturally.
Rove: That's different.
Fitzgerald: That's what I said.
Rove: You're not saying it...
Fitzgerald: I throw the questioning to Naturally.
Rove: You throw it to Who.
Fitzgerald: Naturally.
Rove: That's it.
Fitzgerald: That's what I said!
Rove: You ask me.
Fitzgerald: I direct the questions to who?
Rove: Naturally.
Fitzgerald: Now you ask me.
Rove: I direct the questions to Who?
Fitzgerald: Naturally.
Rove: That's it.
Fitzgerald: Same as you! Same as YOU! I direct the questions to who. Whoever it is drops the ball and it coes to the second. Who picks up the questions and throw them to What. What points his finger at I Don't Know. I Don't Know blames it on Tomorrow, Triple play. Another guy gets up and pleads the fifth for Because. Why? I don't know! He's on third and I don't give a darn!
Rove: What?
Fitzgerald: I said I don't give a darn!
Rove: Oh that's our intern.

Who's on First by Rove and Fitzgerald

And at the first game, Judith Miller will throw in the first pitch. Ambassador and Mrs. Wilson will sing the National Anthem. Matt Cooper will be selling beer in the bleachers. Bob Woodward will be signing advance copies of his new book. Rove will be scalping tickets outside the main gate and Novak will get 20% of the door.

Cheney Asked Scooter to Leak First

According to National Journal, Former Chief of Staff to Dick Cheney, Lewis "Scooter" Libby, told the grand jury in the CIA leak case that Cheney "authorized" his leak of classified information to the media. Cheney ordered Libby to divulge classified National Intelligence Estimates (NIE) to the media to bolster the administration's case for war. Isn't leaking classified intelligence materials illegal? Treasonous?

Courtesy of thedarkstuff.blogspot.com

First Aid for First Amendment

I would like to see this type of Press Release ASAP as a temporary solution pending the passage of an effective journalistic shield law:

Judith Miller’s Lament:

“On July 6, I chose to go to jail to defend my right as a journalist to protect a confidential source, the same right that enables lawyers to grant confidentiality to their clients, clergy to their parishioners, and physicians and psychotherapists to their patients.”

Inspired by the eloquent words and cogent ideas expressed by Judith Miller in her resignation letter, the New York Times announced today that they have entered into secret negotiations with a yet to be named national counseling service. Through a well-established network of neighborhood treatment centers and other outpatient facilities, the service has established an effective national presence in the behavioral health care marketplace. Volunteers at each facility will receive 8-week courses in journalism. Once trained, this dual duty cadre will be available to see whistle blowers and other unnamed sources who wish to leak important facts to the press. The conversations will be protected by the psychotherapist/patient relationship and will avoid any First Amendment conflicts. Besides saving the paper millions in insurance and legal expenses, this project will provide free counseling to those leaking as they deal with the anxiety of testifying before future grand juries. Individuals close to the talks say NYT will conduct a campaign asking their readers to suggest names for this new entity. Got any ideas?

In an unrelated story, the parent company of the unnamed national counseling service plans to establish a series of self-help urgent care centers in major U.S. cities. Each site will stock an abundant inventory of self-help publications and medical supplies and will be called “Suture Self.”

If you do a white collar crime then you will serve blue collar time

We can only hope that Fitz doesn't fizzle. I think Mr. Fitzgerald's motto should be: "If you do a white collar crime then you will serve blue collar time." Look where he lodged Judith Miller. A few months in a blue collar jail and she was ready to sing. Unfortunately, she forgot the words.

The Times They Should Be A-Changin

Bloggers Request:

Come writers and critics
Who prophesize with your pen
And keep your eyes wide
The chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon
For the wheel's still in spin
And there's no tellin' who
That it's namin'.
For the loser now
Will be later to win
For the Times should be a-changin'.

Good Bye Sulzberger, Keller, and Miller!

Fitzgerald's response:

Come politician's, journalists
Please heed the call
Don't stand in the doorway
Don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt
Will be he who has stalled
There's a battle outside
And it is ragin'.
It'll soon shake your windows
And rattle your walls
For the indictments they are a-comin'.

--Bob Dylan

Judy plans to write a book.
Now that's a novel idea.
It certainly won't be based on facts.